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Archive for April, 2010

To Knight, To Knight, To Knight

It’s Friday here at “One More Knight” and all around the world for that matter. While we’d love to continue today with an impassioned plea about getting Phil Collins Knighted, we decided to give it a rest and let the music do the job.  After all, to knight, to knight, to knight is the only thing that’s going to make it right.

Montreux Monsters of Rock

We at “One More Knight” were delighted by this morning’s announcement that the soon-to-be Sir Phil Collins would be taking the stage at this year’s Montreux Jazz Festival in Switzerland along with fellow virtuosic music acts Roxy Music and Massive Attack. This was good news for several reasons:

One, the venue is more than likely a short, utterly convenient automobile drive from Mr. Collins undoubtedly posh Suisse Chalet; Two, the inclusion of Roxy Music on the bill means a more than likely meeting between Phil and his old friend Brian Eno, whom he played percussion for on several highly influential albums.

While we can’t make it to the festival unless by some freak occurrence some wealthy benefactor pays for our trip (hint) to that picturesque den of neutrality at the foot of The Alps, the naive influence of wishful thinking leads us to imagine a scenario in which Phil will be miraculously healed from surgery on his dislocated vertebra and limber enough to join Mr. Eno on drums to play a live version of Another Green World in its entirety.

Unfortunately due to the fact that Mr. Collins is a true noble and has suffered for his art, this probably won’t happen as  Phil’s injury has left him not so hot on drumming these days.  We can at least hope that Mr. Eno and our Knight in shining vocal timbre strike up a conversation about working together on a new album so mind-bendingly awesome that it changes our perception of music as we know it, ultimately forcing the Queen to bestow Knightship upon him.

We’re crossing our fingers for everything to pan out as stated above.  Really though, any Phil Collins news is good news, but news of Knighthood is even better.  We look forward to all of the glowing reports of this July performance and hope Her Majesty the Queen secures her tickets soon.

Shatner Steals Our Thunder

Dear Fans of Phil Collins,

Yesterday the principles of “One More Knight” were collectively perusing the trending Internet topics on one site or another when we noticed that the esteemed cultural icon William Shatner was seemingly on the tip of digital tongues everywhere.  Out of curiosity, we clicked on his linked moniker which led us to several news articles touting a Facebook group with the stated goal of getting Captain Kirk nominated for the position of Governor General of Canada.  Publications such as the LA Times, eonline, Wired, and the Vancouver Sun all picked up on this story and while we feel as though those who started this movement are kindred spirits, we can’t help but be a tad bit jealous of their success.

Since March 22nd they’ve amassed 41,000 followers to our measly 94 and  have even garnered a reaction from the man they seek to install into the government of their homeland.  Needless to say, quite the impressive feat. We would expect no less of a group that has chosen such a worthy subject to fill such an important position.  Canadian Governorship is not exactly Knighthood, but it’ll do.

Rather than sit here and stew in a pot of jealousy, this discovery has filled us with a new amount of resolve. We too shall amass a stunning amount of followers and not only will people be talking about our quest to “Get Phil Collins Knighted,” but the people who do talk about us will be important people, like Phil Collins, the Queen of England, and William Shatner. We may harbor a strong desire to make things happen, but needless to say, we cannot do it without your help. Tell your friends across the world of our quest and our facebook fan group and one day you’ll be referring to singer of such great songs as “Another Day in Paradise” and “Mama” as “Sir Phil Collins.”

Thanks for your time and consideration.  Let’s make this happen.

Sincerely,

The good-hearted, good-humoured blokes at “One More Knight”

p.s. Follow us on Twitter too!

Not To Be Confused With…

Dear British Royal Family,

We here at “One More Knight” have been trying in earnest to get Phil Collins knighted for just over a week now and while we know these things time, we wanted to make sure you had received our message of Knightly support loud and clear.  Though we are all fluent in the King’s English, at times like a game of telephone, even the most clarion of calls can get lost in translation.

As impassioned bloggers we like to think our knack for wordplay a linguistic delight that helps add to the charm of our cause, but in the midst of all of this wordiness the most important facts may get lost.  Whether or not the appointed Royal webmaster is able to translate all of the demands of a clamoring public accurately to her majesty is our utmost concern.  While said person most certainly has repeatedly read of our desire to see Phil Collins acquire greater honor than say a Billy Connolly or Ray Davies, we have the slight fear that when imparted to the Queen, a certain confusion takes root when in a faulty exchange, she hears that a bunch of Internet buffoons would like her to honor “Phil Collen.”

Phil Collen: Possibly Preparing to Slay A Dragon

Though we admit, the Def Leppard guitarist has worked on some stellar recordings, he simply doesn’t carry the cultural gravitas or have the innate musical ability of a Phil Collins.  They may have similar names and may both be performers, but that’s where the similarities end.  Phil Collins is deserving of Knighthood, whereas Phil Collen would probably have to slay a dragon to do so. So if anyone from the Royal Family is reading this, we should hope this clears up any misunderstanding (which also is the name of a killer Genesis tune).

The Genesis of Legend

While honors such as Knighthood and being elected as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom continue to  evade the dear object of this site’s affection, it would be quite the falsehood to state that our  our silken-throated protagonist has gone without recognition for his talents throughout the span of his lengthy career.

Along with his Genesis bandmates (Mike Rutherford, Tony Banks, Peter Gabriel, Steve Hackett, Chester Thompson, and Daryl Stuermer) Phil received the music industry’s equivalent of Knightly appreciation otherwise known as induction into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame at a star-studded affair this past March 15th.

Traditionally, artists as influential as Genesis are ushered into rock legend status with rousing speeches from fellow former inductees or sure-fire future inhabitants of  this bastion of musical greatness.  So we were somewhat annoyed when  the lead singer of Tokey McJoints and the Splifftones (i.e. Phish) was announced as the person who would be spearheading this all- important moment in musical history.  We’d much rather have seen Phil Collins induct the band himself or maybe a big time Hollywood star like Tom Hanks or even the Queen of England should’ve done the honors.

Sure we’ll admit Tokey gave a nice speech, but it didn’t carry with it the weight of someone whose entire catalog doesn’t exist for the sole purpose of making LSD trips slightly trippier.  We know some of Genesis’s most stellar material can often be transcendental in that sense, but when it came down to the tribute performance, we would’ve rather just seen a live clip of “Second Home By The Sea” from their 2007 Turn It On Again tour over the Splifftones’ rendition of “No Reply At All.”  While we may not have loved this exultation of influence, we’re glad to see someone did, as evidenced by the sound of bong hits being ripped in the background of the following clip.

Oh well, we guess we can’t complain. The important thing is that Phil and his buddies have taken their rightful place in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame amongst plenty of all-time greats and The Eagles.

Phil Collins Parody FAIL

We here at “One More Knight” are well aware that we’re not the only Phil Collins-inspired fare on the world wide web. We often find it comforting to meet our fellow Internet brethren dedicated to preaching the greatness of PC to fans the world over.  While we find most other URL’s that champion the accomplishments of our favorite drummer/pop legend to be rather invigorating, we do occasionally come across a few samples that exhibit somewhat questionable taste in their Phil-osophy.

One such example we found is the following video (we would call it a humor video but it didn’t bring forth any laughter from our guttural region) in which a character from the popular video game “Halo 4” alters the lyrics to some of Phil’s most popular tunes to sing of his love of assassinations.

Don’t get us wrong, we love the occasional play on words or clever replacement of a lyric to induce laughter.  Lord knows we regularly change the lyrics to Huey Lewis’ “Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll ” to refer to our genitalia, but the whole “One More Snipe” thing is not only violent, it also wreaks of a lack of creativity. And if there’s one thing that offends us more than unnecessary violence, its a lack of creativity.

Phil Collins didn’t get to deserve a position of nobility by partaking in violent practices and displaying an obvious lack of artistic merit.  He certainly didn’t get there by making an easy joke.

Surely, that’s what the folks behind “Halo 4” intended all along.  They thought they’d have some Master Chief character singing Phil Collins songs  and everyone would laugh, because gun-toting warrior-types don’t listen to Phil Collins.  You know what we think? We think Phil Collins is music for anyone who has the balls to listen to Phil Collins and not be judged for it.  Phil sings about everything from taboo political topics to the universal magic that comes with feeling a groovy kind of love.  If some nerds hiding behind pixel-ated weapons want to make fun of that, then so be it, but it only goes to show how insecure they are in their manhood and how horrible they are at humor.  And there’s nothing valiant or knightly about that. We’re sure Phil would agree.

Sir Phil Collins of the Round Table

Amongst the many esteemed bearers of the rank of Knight in the history of British Empire, perhaps none were more heralded  than those who had both the honour and pleasure of being a part of King Arthur’s round table way back in the medieval times. Though the stated goal of our site is to ultimately get Phil Collins recognized by current royalty as being worthy of  Knighthood, sometimes we like to imagine our favorite Genesis front-man in a bit of a historical time warp, bringing his unique blend of nobility to a time that could’ve sorely used both his ability to pound the skins and sing a heart-felt tune.

Those who served the Arthur King of the Britons in the time of Camelot were no doubt battle-tested bastions of valorous duty.  but as they spent their time defending their land from all sorts of invaders and brutalizing those who might stand in their way of finding the Holy Grail,we can’t help but think things would be a heck of a lot different if Sir Phil was seated placidly between Sir Percival and Sir Safir.

If you’re having trouble imagining Phil in the middle ages, we recommend picturing a Dio video, but instead of the weird looking long-haired guy who only stands about 4’11” brandishing a broadsword, you’d have Phil Collins taking it easy and serenading the hell out of some princesses while strumming his lute.  And that whole search for the “holy grail” thing?  Forget about it.  Sir Phil of Collins would have all the grails the Knights would ever need in the form of his 8 Grammy Awards.

"Did you say Grammy or Grail?"

Sure there would probably be the odd altercation where our chain mail-clad hero would have to defend the honour of a fair maiden, but we’re more than confident with his snare-smacking skills that he could hold his own with a sword and mace.

So, we guess the only question remaining is, now that you’ve pictured Phil Collins as a knight of the round table, is it really that hard to imagine him being knighted in a time where Britain is far less demanding of its nobility? We didn’t think so.

Readers, we implore you to do your part and help spread  word of our quest.  Together we can GET PHIL COLLINS KNIGHTED, but divided we fail.