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Archive for June, 2010

The Three-Step Process Leading to Knighthood

We here at “One More Knight” have come to the realization that achieving our goal of Getting Phil Collins is a three-step process. In order to complete a three-step process one must first identify all three steps.  Our original outline for success looked something like this on account that we stole it from a group of underpants gnomes:

Step 1: Collect Underpants

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!

Wait, is that right? Perhaps, there is something fishy in our blogonomic theory.  It’s time to retrace and re-imagine our steps in our quest to get Phil Collins Knighted.

Step 1: State purpose.

Our purpose is to get Phil Collins Knighted.  Good, done.

Step 2: Create a groundswell of support on various channels including Facebook, Twitter, and other media channels.

Okay, here’s where we seem to have hit a snag. Our Facebook group seems stuck on 127 members and we’ve only got a measly 105 Twitter followers, all of whom we love very dearly and would do anything for.

Our floundering arsenal of web weapons is in need of a magic bullet to shoot through the web stratosphere and pierce the armor of even the most hard-hearted social networker.  That magic bullet we’ve decided is our very own “like” button.  Granted, we’re not technologically savvy to add one onto this page, the least we could do is to link you to our Facebook fan website.  We are imploring all of our friends and frenemies to click here and like “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”.  Thus the groundswell shall begin.  It is our belief that once your social network sees the update on your page that “Your name here” has liked “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”, their natural thought process will lead them to “like” it as well, because who doesn’t want to see Phil Collins get knighted? Horrible people, that’s who. Now,  go forth and do your best so we can reach…

Step 3: Phil Collins Gets Knighted.

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Phil-anthropy

In the dictionary the word “philanthropy” is defined as, “An activity performed with the goal of promoting the well-being of fellow man.” We here at “One More Knight” find that word very appropriate for describing any number of the actions and activities carried out by one Phil Collins.  That being said, as  suitable as it would be to constantly refer to him as a “philanthropist” for all of the well-being he has bestowed upon his fellow man with countless musical and charitable contributions, the word still fails to appear aesthetically pleasant in its written or typed form— much like Phil Collins’ name when it is not accompanied by a titular “Sir.”

To remedy this problem we’ve chosen to create a new version of the word.  This version requires a hyphen to differentiate the fact that he who is being so generous to mankind is in fact named “Phil.” Seeing as there are very few people named Phil who are on par with Mr. Collins in the field of “philanthropy” (note: no hyphen here because we are talking about the general practice of Philanthropy) we can assume that any mention of “Phil-anthropy” (or a “Phil-anthropist“) does not require a specific mention of the surname of said extremely talented and giving individual and that it is indeed referring to Phil Collins.

We hope this new usage does not cause any confusion as it sounds identical to the previous version of the word.  However, speakers should feel free to pause between “Phil” and “anthropy” if they so please.

Now that we’ve introduced you to our new word, it’s only fair that we use the word in a proper context to better advise you of its usage. Pay close attention:

A great performer is engaging in a wonderful act of “Phil-anthropy” by offering fans a chance to win two free tickets to see him live in New York on June 25th at the Roseland Ballroom.  He is a great “Phil-anthropist.”

Roseland? June 25th?

Now that we’ve remedied the language problem that comes along with referring to Phil Collins and  acts of philanthropy in the same sentence; we suggest the British Government and Royal Family remedy the issue that comes up when one discusses Phil Collins and Knighthood in the same breath.  And if you live in the New York area, try to get your hands on those free tickets!

Phil Collins’ Viral Spawn

A few weeks ago we here at “One More Knight” were delighted when a youtube video featuring the “Worst Wedding DJ EVER!” took the Internet by storm, complete with Phil Collins’ musical accompaniment. Breast slapping and “In the Air Tonight” once mutually exclusive pleasures had been combined for the ultimate exercise in comedic pleasure. The video stood quite well on its own and thankfully didn’t inspire an Internet meme of inferior moments.  It did, however, inspire one comic tribute featuring Jerry O’Connell and his better half, Rebecca (you have the right to) Romijn (Stamos).

Now we’ve never been great fans of Jerry O’Connell save for maybe his work as that pudgy kid in Stand By Me and on “Sliders“, but we did get a bit of a chuckle out of this parody of the wedding DJ video that did not really call for further parody. That being said, for a lazy, hot summer Friday…no Knighthood begging…just comedic entertainment. Enjoy.

The Coast Has Never Been Clearer

Yesterday the Kingdom of Britannia received the two newest members into its noble ranks of Knighthood. Patrick Stewart of Star Trek and X-Men fame and Nicholas Hytner of the National Theater were dubbed “Sir” by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony marked by regal brilliance.  Though we’re not sure these two were more deserving of one Phil Collins when it comes to artistic accomplishment, we’re willing to forgo any undeserved mocking of their accomplishments, for they have not chosen to Knight themselves and cannot be faulted for having performed with such distinction so as to be nominated by admirers in governmental and royal positions of power.

That being said, the die has been cast and we here at One More Knight believe that the coast is now clear enough that further selections are due any time now to receive artistic honors wrapped in armor and chain mail and pronounced in one fell swoop of swordplay from an esteemed lady monarch.  We’re not exactly sure of the actual schedule for such declarations, but we know that when word does come down, we are confident it shall bear the name Phil Collins on a scroll of Magna Carta-esque parchment for all to read.

So we hereby plead with much reverence to both the Queen and the office of the Prime Minister, please make sure that it is so and LET’S GET PHIL COLLINS KNIGHTED!

Mexican Gangs Love Phil Collins

We here at “One More Knight” realise the importance of keeping up the full court press when you have a goal as important  as getting Phil Collins Knighted, but all work and no play doth make Phil Collins fans dull boys and girls.  So being here in America, we on occasion do “as the Romans  do” (there’s a Rome in NY) and take a Holiday on days of note.  So we apologise for our absence over the Memorial Day weekend, but we’re not that sorry. We need to groove out to “I Cannot Believe Its True” and soak up the summer sun every once in awhile while keeping our distance from the world wide web.

That being said, it was an eventful weekend in the world of music and knighthood.  One of the most esteemed Knights of the musically talented table got into a bit of an incident down in old Mexico.  It seems Sir Paul McCartney had his tour bus attacked by a Mexican gang while rolling through Mexico City. Apparently they weren’t big fans of The Beatles or Wings.

Mexican Gangs Are Not Fans of 2 of These Guys at the Most

We’re not sure if they were jostling the music legend for a cut of Abbey Road royalties or if they’ve merely seen this website and wanted to send a message to the British Government that its time to invite a new music legend into the Knighthood by shaking up a member of the establishment. Either way, we don’t condone that kind of violence and we’re glad to see Sir Paul and his crew are OK, though we’re pretty sure this would’ve never happened to Phil Collins given his wealth of knowledge of past conflicts between Mexico and the United States.

We’re sure most Mexican gang members appreciate songs like “Illegal Alien” and “Sussudio” (which is the Spanish word for ‘really awesome song’),  The fact that Phil Collins can relate to such a diverse crowd with his music certainly makes a great case for letting him fill the esteemed position of Knight of the British Empire (KBE), For a noble should be a statesmen and love of Phil Collins music worldwide would no doubt qualify Mr. Collins as a master of diplomacy.  So maybe after he gets knighted, perhaps Sir Phil Collins should be made the official UK ambassador to Mexico. Lord knows, McCartney does not fit in there.