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UK Government (Why You Want to Make Phil Collins Blue)

While we here at “One More Knight” have an entire 40-year career of moments at our disposal for those who might be burdened by the taxing decision of just who has earned a tacking on of the  titular “Sir”, nothing gives buoys our quest quite as  much as brand new evidence of Phil Collins‘ greatness. Not only do we find that it greases the gears with the UK government on pressing matters, but it also reinforces our belief that this wonderful performer is deserving of any additional accolades thrown his way. For while many once great entertainers drop off into the abyss or cling to the remnants of a fading career, Mr. Collins continues to churn out toe-tapping, pop gems.

The latest in the canon of Collins to attain “sight” status for our “sore eyes” (but ever-so attentive ears) is this clip for his cover of the 1964 Temptations classic “Girl (Why You Want To Make Me Blue).”  Phil treats the material with reverence, while seemingly giving the piece a whole new meaning…to us anyway. We took the titular “Girl” to mean the British Government or Monarchy, and we translated the “Why You Wanna Make Me Blue” parenthetical to mean, “why haven’t you bestowed me with the knighthood just yet.”

It’s true that we, like most people, tend to extrapolate a lot of what we want to hear from popular music, though we’re pretty sure we nailed this one. So we hope that the UK Parliament and Royal Family is listening to Phil’s veiled (or not-so-veiled) message in this song and take it into strong consideration. After all, it seems rather cold the thought of wanting to make Phil Collins blue by not bestowing knighthood upon him, doesn’t it?

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The Staying Power of Phil Collins

September 30, 2010 1 comment

When we last bombarded the blogosphere with our message of Phil Collins’ greatness, we were in the throes of a torrid summer where Phil’s influence was making vast improvements on Katy Perry’s buxom ubiquity.With summer having quietly faded from memory and the shedding of leaves an imminent certainty, there was little doubt in our hearts, minds and musical sensibilities that the Genesis frontman, distinguished drummer, and accomplished solo artist would find a way to put a stamp on our Autumn just as he had our time on the beach.

We didn’t have to wait long after the Autumnal Equinox for Phil to start resonating in season.  This past Tuesday his latest release, Going Back, climbed atop the UK albums chart– besting the Manics latest effort, Postcards from a Young Man.

While Phil’s album of Motown covers didn’t debut in the #1 spot last week, we here at “One More Knight” think the fact that the UK public were kind enough to buoy the admirable tribute to the sounds of the Rock Hall of Famer’s youth into a top seller is not only a testament to the quality of the album, but also evidence that despite a lengthy absence from the UK during times of Labor Party rule, there remains a soft spot amongst the Queen‘s subjects for the appreciation of a classic Rock ‘n’ Roll era that Phil Collins both celebrates and embodies.

The fact that Mr. Collins was able to secure his first #1 album since 1998’s Hits took a liking to the top spot is a testament to his staying power. While this staying power is easily explainable when you put on any of his album in Genesis or solo form, it remains a mystery that this staying power has yet to be recognized by the UK’s governmental powers that be. For someone who has been caressing our auditory cavities for upwards around 40 years with nothing but quality, having  yet to be tapped on the shoulder with the queen’s sword is not only an affront to music fans everywhere, but to the Order of the British Empire.

And so we make our repeated overture to both the Prime Minister’s office and to the esteemed royals of the United Kingdom, that on this day– the 40th anniversary of the day that Phil Collins joined Genesis –you reconsider your failure to honor Phil Collins with the titular “Sir” by “Going Back” through his catalogue and re-acquainting yourselves with his true genius. The error of your ways shall be realised and righted at that moment, provided your logical conclusion upon doing so is to bestow the correct honor upon his person.

The Genesis of a Perfect Summer Song

August 17, 2010 1 comment

For the majority of this summer, radio stations all over the globe have been virtually unlistenable thanks to the musical travesty that is Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” being on a constant loop.

The beat isn’t so bad, but while many publications have dubbed the annoyingly catchy tune “the song of the summer,” we here at “One More Knight” liken it to lyrical porridge. The song’s brand of overt sexuality went out of style the second a fellow named Ol’ Dirty Bastard mastered that sort of thing when he said: “I don’t have no trouble with you  f*#king me, but I have a little problem with you not f*#king me.”

We prefer our summer songs to be ditties we can relate to about the promise and pitfalls of a relationships with someone who has something  “you just can’t touch”; something so “mysterious” that you just can’t “help falling for.”

Luckily, our clarion call was answered via a mashup by some guy named Dan Chamberlain who stripped the meaninglessness out of “California Gurls,” instead opting for the deeply soulful words of one Phil Collins from the song “Invisible Touch.”  Unfortunately, most of the masterful instrumental work by the rest of Genesis is gone.

Oh well, we’ll take what we can get and though we’d take the original version of  “Invisible Touch” over either; we submit Phil Collins’ ability to turn a meaningless summer song into something so precious and meaningful as our 34th entry into the case for his knighthood.

Take a listen to the clip up above. The track is so hot it just may “melt your popsicle.”

The Three-Step Process Leading to Knighthood

We here at “One More Knight” have come to the realization that achieving our goal of Getting Phil Collins is a three-step process. In order to complete a three-step process one must first identify all three steps.  Our original outline for success looked something like this on account that we stole it from a group of underpants gnomes:

Step 1: Collect Underpants

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!

Wait, is that right? Perhaps, there is something fishy in our blogonomic theory.  It’s time to retrace and re-imagine our steps in our quest to get Phil Collins Knighted.

Step 1: State purpose.

Our purpose is to get Phil Collins Knighted.  Good, done.

Step 2: Create a groundswell of support on various channels including Facebook, Twitter, and other media channels.

Okay, here’s where we seem to have hit a snag. Our Facebook group seems stuck on 127 members and we’ve only got a measly 105 Twitter followers, all of whom we love very dearly and would do anything for.

Our floundering arsenal of web weapons is in need of a magic bullet to shoot through the web stratosphere and pierce the armor of even the most hard-hearted social networker.  That magic bullet we’ve decided is our very own “like” button.  Granted, we’re not technologically savvy to add one onto this page, the least we could do is to link you to our Facebook fan website.  We are imploring all of our friends and frenemies to click here and like “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”.  Thus the groundswell shall begin.  It is our belief that once your social network sees the update on your page that “Your name here” has liked “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”, their natural thought process will lead them to “like” it as well, because who doesn’t want to see Phil Collins get knighted? Horrible people, that’s who. Now,  go forth and do your best so we can reach…

Step 3: Phil Collins Gets Knighted.

Phil-anthropy

In the dictionary the word “philanthropy” is defined as, “An activity performed with the goal of promoting the well-being of fellow man.” We here at “One More Knight” find that word very appropriate for describing any number of the actions and activities carried out by one Phil Collins.  That being said, as  suitable as it would be to constantly refer to him as a “philanthropist” for all of the well-being he has bestowed upon his fellow man with countless musical and charitable contributions, the word still fails to appear aesthetically pleasant in its written or typed form— much like Phil Collins’ name when it is not accompanied by a titular “Sir.”

To remedy this problem we’ve chosen to create a new version of the word.  This version requires a hyphen to differentiate the fact that he who is being so generous to mankind is in fact named “Phil.” Seeing as there are very few people named Phil who are on par with Mr. Collins in the field of “philanthropy” (note: no hyphen here because we are talking about the general practice of Philanthropy) we can assume that any mention of “Phil-anthropy” (or a “Phil-anthropist“) does not require a specific mention of the surname of said extremely talented and giving individual and that it is indeed referring to Phil Collins.

We hope this new usage does not cause any confusion as it sounds identical to the previous version of the word.  However, speakers should feel free to pause between “Phil” and “anthropy” if they so please.

Now that we’ve introduced you to our new word, it’s only fair that we use the word in a proper context to better advise you of its usage. Pay close attention:

A great performer is engaging in a wonderful act of “Phil-anthropy” by offering fans a chance to win two free tickets to see him live in New York on June 25th at the Roseland Ballroom.  He is a great “Phil-anthropist.”

Roseland? June 25th?

Now that we’ve remedied the language problem that comes along with referring to Phil Collins and  acts of philanthropy in the same sentence; we suggest the British Government and Royal Family remedy the issue that comes up when one discusses Phil Collins and Knighthood in the same breath.  And if you live in the New York area, try to get your hands on those free tickets!

Phil Collins’ Viral Spawn

A few weeks ago we here at “One More Knight” were delighted when a youtube video featuring the “Worst Wedding DJ EVER!” took the Internet by storm, complete with Phil Collins’ musical accompaniment. Breast slapping and “In the Air Tonight” once mutually exclusive pleasures had been combined for the ultimate exercise in comedic pleasure. The video stood quite well on its own and thankfully didn’t inspire an Internet meme of inferior moments.  It did, however, inspire one comic tribute featuring Jerry O’Connell and his better half, Rebecca (you have the right to) Romijn (Stamos).

Now we’ve never been great fans of Jerry O’Connell save for maybe his work as that pudgy kid in Stand By Me and on “Sliders“, but we did get a bit of a chuckle out of this parody of the wedding DJ video that did not really call for further parody. That being said, for a lazy, hot summer Friday…no Knighthood begging…just comedic entertainment. Enjoy.

The Coast Has Never Been Clearer

Yesterday the Kingdom of Britannia received the two newest members into its noble ranks of Knighthood. Patrick Stewart of Star Trek and X-Men fame and Nicholas Hytner of the National Theater were dubbed “Sir” by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony marked by regal brilliance.  Though we’re not sure these two were more deserving of one Phil Collins when it comes to artistic accomplishment, we’re willing to forgo any undeserved mocking of their accomplishments, for they have not chosen to Knight themselves and cannot be faulted for having performed with such distinction so as to be nominated by admirers in governmental and royal positions of power.

That being said, the die has been cast and we here at One More Knight believe that the coast is now clear enough that further selections are due any time now to receive artistic honors wrapped in armor and chain mail and pronounced in one fell swoop of swordplay from an esteemed lady monarch.  We’re not exactly sure of the actual schedule for such declarations, but we know that when word does come down, we are confident it shall bear the name Phil Collins on a scroll of Magna Carta-esque parchment for all to read.

So we hereby plead with much reverence to both the Queen and the office of the Prime Minister, please make sure that it is so and LET’S GET PHIL COLLINS KNIGHTED!