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The Three-Step Process Leading to Knighthood

We here at “One More Knight” have come to the realization that achieving our goal of Getting Phil Collins is a three-step process. In order to complete a three-step process one must first identify all three steps.  Our original outline for success looked something like this on account that we stole it from a group of underpants gnomes:

Step 1: Collect Underpants

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!

Wait, is that right? Perhaps, there is something fishy in our blogonomic theory.  It’s time to retrace and re-imagine our steps in our quest to get Phil Collins Knighted.

Step 1: State purpose.

Our purpose is to get Phil Collins Knighted.  Good, done.

Step 2: Create a groundswell of support on various channels including Facebook, Twitter, and other media channels.

Okay, here’s where we seem to have hit a snag. Our Facebook group seems stuck on 127 members and we’ve only got a measly 105 Twitter followers, all of whom we love very dearly and would do anything for.

Our floundering arsenal of web weapons is in need of a magic bullet to shoot through the web stratosphere and pierce the armor of even the most hard-hearted social networker.  That magic bullet we’ve decided is our very own “like” button.  Granted, we’re not technologically savvy to add one onto this page, the least we could do is to link you to our Facebook fan website.  We are imploring all of our friends and frenemies to click here and like “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”.  Thus the groundswell shall begin.  It is our belief that once your social network sees the update on your page that “Your name here” has liked “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”, their natural thought process will lead them to “like” it as well, because who doesn’t want to see Phil Collins get knighted? Horrible people, that’s who. Now,  go forth and do your best so we can reach…

Step 3: Phil Collins Gets Knighted.

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Not To Be Confused With…

Dear British Royal Family,

We here at “One More Knight” have been trying in earnest to get Phil Collins knighted for just over a week now and while we know these things time, we wanted to make sure you had received our message of Knightly support loud and clear.  Though we are all fluent in the King’s English, at times like a game of telephone, even the most clarion of calls can get lost in translation.

As impassioned bloggers we like to think our knack for wordplay a linguistic delight that helps add to the charm of our cause, but in the midst of all of this wordiness the most important facts may get lost.  Whether or not the appointed Royal webmaster is able to translate all of the demands of a clamoring public accurately to her majesty is our utmost concern.  While said person most certainly has repeatedly read of our desire to see Phil Collins acquire greater honor than say a Billy Connolly or Ray Davies, we have the slight fear that when imparted to the Queen, a certain confusion takes root when in a faulty exchange, she hears that a bunch of Internet buffoons would like her to honor “Phil Collen.”

Phil Collen: Possibly Preparing to Slay A Dragon

Though we admit, the Def Leppard guitarist has worked on some stellar recordings, he simply doesn’t carry the cultural gravitas or have the innate musical ability of a Phil Collins.  They may have similar names and may both be performers, but that’s where the similarities end.  Phil Collins is deserving of Knighthood, whereas Phil Collen would probably have to slay a dragon to do so. So if anyone from the Royal Family is reading this, we should hope this clears up any misunderstanding (which also is the name of a killer Genesis tune).

Phil Collins Parody FAIL

We here at “One More Knight” are well aware that we’re not the only Phil Collins-inspired fare on the world wide web. We often find it comforting to meet our fellow Internet brethren dedicated to preaching the greatness of PC to fans the world over.  While we find most other URL’s that champion the accomplishments of our favorite drummer/pop legend to be rather invigorating, we do occasionally come across a few samples that exhibit somewhat questionable taste in their Phil-osophy.

One such example we found is the following video (we would call it a humor video but it didn’t bring forth any laughter from our guttural region) in which a character from the popular video game “Halo 4” alters the lyrics to some of Phil’s most popular tunes to sing of his love of assassinations.

Don’t get us wrong, we love the occasional play on words or clever replacement of a lyric to induce laughter.  Lord knows we regularly change the lyrics to Huey Lewis’ “Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll ” to refer to our genitalia, but the whole “One More Snipe” thing is not only violent, it also wreaks of a lack of creativity. And if there’s one thing that offends us more than unnecessary violence, its a lack of creativity.

Phil Collins didn’t get to deserve a position of nobility by partaking in violent practices and displaying an obvious lack of artistic merit.  He certainly didn’t get there by making an easy joke.

Surely, that’s what the folks behind “Halo 4” intended all along.  They thought they’d have some Master Chief character singing Phil Collins songs  and everyone would laugh, because gun-toting warrior-types don’t listen to Phil Collins.  You know what we think? We think Phil Collins is music for anyone who has the balls to listen to Phil Collins and not be judged for it.  Phil sings about everything from taboo political topics to the universal magic that comes with feeling a groovy kind of love.  If some nerds hiding behind pixel-ated weapons want to make fun of that, then so be it, but it only goes to show how insecure they are in their manhood and how horrible they are at humor.  And there’s nothing valiant or knightly about that. We’re sure Phil would agree.