Archive

Posts Tagged ‘Knighthood’

The Three-Step Process Leading to Knighthood

We here at “One More Knight” have come to the realization that achieving our goal of Getting Phil Collins is a three-step process. In order to complete a three-step process one must first identify all three steps.  Our original outline for success looked something like this on account that we stole it from a group of underpants gnomes:

Step 1: Collect Underpants

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!

Wait, is that right? Perhaps, there is something fishy in our blogonomic theory.  It’s time to retrace and re-imagine our steps in our quest to get Phil Collins Knighted.

Step 1: State purpose.

Our purpose is to get Phil Collins Knighted.  Good, done.

Step 2: Create a groundswell of support on various channels including Facebook, Twitter, and other media channels.

Okay, here’s where we seem to have hit a snag. Our Facebook group seems stuck on 127 members and we’ve only got a measly 105 Twitter followers, all of whom we love very dearly and would do anything for.

Our floundering arsenal of web weapons is in need of a magic bullet to shoot through the web stratosphere and pierce the armor of even the most hard-hearted social networker.  That magic bullet we’ve decided is our very own “like” button.  Granted, we’re not technologically savvy to add one onto this page, the least we could do is to link you to our Facebook fan website.  We are imploring all of our friends and frenemies to click here and like “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”.  Thus the groundswell shall begin.  It is our belief that once your social network sees the update on your page that “Your name here” has liked “Getting Phil Collins Knighted”, their natural thought process will lead them to “like” it as well, because who doesn’t want to see Phil Collins get knighted? Horrible people, that’s who. Now,  go forth and do your best so we can reach…

Step 3: Phil Collins Gets Knighted.

Free Phil Collins!

Odds are if you were drawn in by the title to this post, it was because you thought Phil Collins had been falsely accused and wrongly locked away for crimes he committed in the movie Buster and that he currently lay rotting in a London maximum security dock that the government conveniently lost the key to.  You also probably assumed that the only way Phil would ever be set free was through a public outpouring of support resulting in a retrial and a subsequent overturning of said wrongful conviction. In which case, you were right to come to this site and you’d have been even more right to join our Facebook group.

Another option as to where you mind may have wandered, was that you believed the meaning of the title “Free Phil Collins!” to have been a proclamation that we at “One More Knight” were giving away a free Phil Collins to each one of our readers.  This free Phil Collins would come to your house and serenade you with lovely songs and teach you delightful tidbits about the Alamo, and maybe even give you drum lessons; filling both a much needed entertainment and educational niche in your day to day existence.  While that sounds great, it’s important to note that there is one Phil Collins and he can only be in one place at a time unless there are two Live Aid concerts going on.

In actuality, the title of this post refers to a giveaway at Phil Collins official site.  We signed up for email updates to stay up to speed on Phil’s whereabouts and goings on.  If knowing all of the P.C. news before anyone else wasn’t enough, we got a FREE PHIL COLLINS SONG off his upcoming album Going Back for all of the effort it took to type in our email address. Needless to say, we’ve been bopping our head up and down to Phil’s Cover of The Marvelettes classic “Too Many Fish in The Sea” all day and we fully recommend you sign up so that you can do the same.

Going Back in Stores September 10th

However, if you’re generally disappointed that you won’t be able to summon all of your love and support towards getting Phil out of actual prison, we kindly consider that you still help us in directing all (or at least some) of your energy towards helping Phil escape the metaphorical holding cell that is non-Knighthood.  Again, join our Facebook page and help us complete the transformation from a mild-mannered frontman/pop icon/drummer/actor into Sir Phil Collins.

Phil Collins’ Trench Run

It takes a special kind of nerd to even have the inkling to sync up a Star Wars video with their favorite music in the hopes that the entirety of YouTube finds it compelling and genius enough to make it go viral.  Then again, it takes a special kind of nerd to start a movement aimed at getting their favorite British singer/actor/percussive genius knighted in the hopes that the entirety of the web-browsing public finds it compelling enough to join in and help make history.  Needless to say, we can identify with the person who made this video of “In The Air Tonight” synced up to the famed “Trench Run” in the original Star Wars film.

That being said, it’s a nice try, but it doesn’t exactly inspire us to new heights due to the fact that the action doesn’t really sync up in any special way, shape or form.  X-Wing Fighters explosions are devoid of punishing drum beats and a few sound-ups on the action would’ve been nice.  Not to be nitpicky, but if we were going to sync up anything in the film with a Phil Collins song we’d probably use “One More Night” to sync up with the “grand ceremony” scene at the end.  As both Han and Luke receive their medals it would subliminally plant the notion into the minds of viewers that Phil Collins deserves to be honored for all of his valiant musical efforts and that perhaps the only suitable honor is Knighthood.  So, if you’re paying attention Star Wars-Phil Collins sync’er-upper, you have your mission, now go forth.  Maybe we’ll even bestow you with our site’s highest honor…though we haven’t really figured out what that is yet.

Phil Collins vs. The Cadbury Gorilla

Just under three years ago, Cadbury scored a monster advertising hit with this commercial depicting a Gorilla emotionally drumming along to Phil Collins’ classic 1985 single, “In The Air Tonight.”

While we admit the choice of soundtrack music was spot on and the direction fantastic, we find the general inclination of the piece to be a tad bit insulting to the musical gift that Phil Collins spent years honing to perfection.  The commercial suggests that the mere emotion of the song would fill the Gorilla in question with enough angst and subsequent skill to hammer out the rather impressive drum-work that the ever-so talented Mr. Collins so expertly laid down in a recording session that may or may have not required hours of tinkering and toil in the studio. To have this Gorilla appear to perform at such a high level is to make the statement that what Phil Collins is capable of is nothing special, because a mere primate can easily ape his actions. Or to put it another way; anything Phil can do a monkey is capable of carrying out  an equal or greater value version of that very same thing.

Well, we here at “One More Knight” scoff at that notion. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not averse to thinking there are some very talented apes out there who can sign the crap out of the sentence “I feel sleepy” to some scientists in a lab, but when it comes to slapping the skins with the vim and vigor of mega-talented musician such as  Phil then there’s simply no contest. We assume you’d also like to tell us that a baboon would have done better harmonizing with Philip Bailey on “Easy Lover” and that you know a chimpanzee that penned a more heart-wrenching song than “Against All Odds.” We highly doubt that. And while you may think your commercial monkey might have the talent of a Phil Collins, there’s one thing your Cadbury Gorilla will never have and that’s the honour of being named a Knight of the British Empire. Suck on that egg, Cadbury.

Cracking The Curious Case of Sir Phil Collins Missing Knighthood

If it wasn’t already apparent enough to the readers of this site, our undertaking to get Phil Collins knighted should all but assure you that we have entirely too much time on our hands. While the vast majority of that allotted under the “too much time” category is spent listening to the contents of great albums like No Jacket Required and Duke; we occasionally slide into research mode so that we have additional things to blog about on our Internet journey to make Phil Collins’ future a noble one.

Seeing as we had done little in the realm of research as to the actual process of becoming a knight, we decided to seek out some helpful information…and what better place to find such helpful information than the official website of the Monarchy you have been pressing to make your dream become a reality (Rhetorical Question: The answer is there is no place better)? Our academic yearning and intuitive link-clicking abilities ultimately led us to this video on the subject of investitures (a fancy way of saying a presentation of rank, which also includes Knighthood):

While we were delighted to learn ever-so-much on the subject of bestowing rank and honour upon deserving individual, we were quite troubled by a particular voice over passage contained within. It read as follows:

“Honours recognize achievement in all walks of life and are given on the advice of the Prime Minister’s office”

Needless to say, this line stopped us in our tracks. Not only were we barking up the wrong tree by lightly haranguing the Royal Family over the past month, but it also helped explain why so much time has passed without Phil Collins getting the slightest sniff at a Royal promotion. Over the last 13 years it was on the advice of Labour Party that those decisions were made and it was that very same party taking power that caused Mr. Collins to flee for Switzerland 13 years ago.

Now, with the Tories and David Cameron in control of investitures, we assume Phil to be all but a shoe-in for at least the vaunted position of Knight Commander of the British Empire (KBE).

In closing, we’d like to apologize to the Queen and her family for any annoyance we may have caused. We may still harangue you from time to time, but only because we are certain you still hold a good amount of sway when it comes to recommending those deserving such distinction as Phil Collins does.

Oh, and Prime Minister David Cameron, we entreat you to look our way. There’s a singer/drummer/pop master without his proper title.

Get Phil Colllins Knighted E-mail Campaign

Dear Faithful Readers of One More Knight,

Now entering our fourth full week of existence, we’ve yet to garner the sort of response and reaction to this web campaign that would allow it to qualify as “viral.” To be honest, we thought the mere mention of getting Phil Collins Knighted in a simple Facebook group would ignite the Internet like a cigarette haphazardly tossed into some dry brush in the American West.

The reality of this whole “going viral” thing is that while some content on the Internet heats up in such a manner, most of the  content produced for the world wide web is more akin to a loud, incoherent message shouted into a space-like vacuum. Needless to say, we were a bit naive about the effects of metaphorically screaming our lungs out into that atmosphere-less abyss and our advances have mostly fallen on deaf ears like those of someone who has spent a good amount of time sitting a little too close to the kit during one of  Phil Collins’ killer drum duets with Chester Thompson.

Rather than hang our heads in shame and call ourselves a failure; we’ve founds ourselves coming down with a case of indefatigable moxie and boy do we hope it’s contagious. In order to better channel our vigorous resolve to accomplish, we’ve decided that today would be a good idea to launch the official One More Knight “Get Phil Collins Knighted” E-Mail campaign.

We’re encouraging all of our readers to spread the word by sending email blasts to your favorite blogs, respected newspapers, ,music periodicals and Monarchs (who can also be reached on twitter).  Let them know that you’d like to see Phil Collins Knighted, because only when you let your voice be heard do you really have the right to complain that the singer of “In The Air Tonight” has not yet become a Knight.

We’re going to get the ball rolling by reaching out to the Queen herself with our original post. So go forth and tell your friends and tell them to tell their friends that together we will get Phil Collins Knighted!

Thank you for your support.

Sincerely,

The Blokes Behind “One More Knight.”

p.s. Follow us on Twitter

Had His Phil?

There was some distressing news on the Phil Collins front this morning.  We here at “One More Knight” caught wind of an excerpt from a recent Rolling Stone interview in which our noble hero threatened to stop putting out albums and retire from the public eye if he continues to be bashed by critics. While we have an undying affection for Mr. Collins as evidenced solely by the existence of this blog, we have to take issue with this statement.

We understand critics have the power to make or break a release by the very nature of their reviews, but to threaten to quit over a bunch of nit picky music writers whose job title literally means “one who criticizes” is absurd.  The job of the critic is to find fault in even some of the most sublime recordings.  Sure there are a few that inexplicably boost the egos of rock stars by continually lauding bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers well past their prime, but the last time we checked music was not made for the critical acclaim.  Music belongs to the artists and the fans and all of the David Frickes and Robert Christgaus in the world will never change that.

While we can imagine the peace, quiet and joy one might derive from making music in one’s basement for oneself, the fans would ultimately be hurt by the amount of musical genius they miss out on when that genius is not shared. So while we respect your desire to no longer put on your thick skin every morning when you go out to get the paper, you should let your large, loyal fan base serve as a protective shield or extra dermal layer against harsh, unfounded opinions of your would-be detractors.  You keep making music and we’ll keep listening and we’ll keep pushing for that Knighthood thing.  You deserve it.